A friend asked me recently how to be happy alone and honestly, I love being alone. I truly do. I always have. It gives me space to think, decompress, and create. Alone is one of my favorite things to be. Along with “nap queen”. Maybe it’s because I’m the Queen of Failed Relationships, but being alone doesn’t make me feel lonely.
“Alone time” is something I’ve fostered in my little wolves (kids) as well because 1. I need alone time, but also because 2. It teaches them to be content with just being alone. It gives them space to be bored and connect to their intuition and create too.
One of the wolves REALLY loves his alone time, and will announce “I’m having alone time!!” then get mad if anyone interrupts it. He has alone time every day, sometimes a couple of times a day. He really loves to have alone time before and after school. The other wolf likes it less and usually only has alone time once or twice a week. Neither one of them is wrong.
It’s important to know that wanting to connect in a loving relationship is not wrong, but sometimes we can fixate on it and all it does is make us feel bad.
So how do you be happy alone?
Disclaimer: This is by no means a comprehensive list and I am not a relationship therapist or expert so take what feels good to you and leave the rest.
How to be happy alone
Recognize that you are a whole person
Recognize that you are a whole person. While we need connection, it’s important to remember that a partner does not complete you. We’ve been conditioned through movies that, “You complete me.” The thing is, you are already complete. You are not half a person, you are a whole person. Any relationship you choose to be in should make you feel more yourself.
Again, wanting a meaningful relationship is not a bad thing, but sometimes it’s not in our reach and we find ourselves reaching for the closest one even if it’s not the best.
Ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship–is it for connection and intimacy? You can have meaningful connections without a partner. People enhance, detract, or are a neutral party to your life. surround yourself with people who enhance it–create solid, platonic, relationships Is it for the sex? Learn to love yourself.
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Realize that even in relationships people are not happy all the time.
It’s okay if you’re NOT happy all the time while you’re single. It’s normal to have good and bad days, even weeks. I had a moment this week where I was just sad, and I was terrified tbh, because I had been so sad for so long in my relationship that I was like, “is this the depression knocking?” but talked myself down when I realized again that “happy people have sad days too” and that’s totally normal.
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This doesn’t mean you have to go to the movies or dinner alone (though I do know people who love doing this!) I mean get to know yourself again. Discover things you love then do more of that.
Question your habits and hobbies; are you doing this thing just because you and your significant other always did it do you actually like doing it? Are you eating this food just because you’re supposed to? Why are you wearing that? Is it because you actually like it or because your partner liked it? Buy yourself lingerie and wear it around your place JUST BECAUSE. Make yourself a candlelit dinner or whatever it is you like to do on dates.
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Create a gratitude practice
People who express gratitude on a daily basis are 25% happier than those who don’t (according to a thing I read). It’s science. Not only that, they were more willing to offer support to others—so basically gratitude increased their kindness towards others. And other studies show that the more grateful you are the less likely you are to be depressed.
But it’s not just having a grateful attitude, but an actual gratitude practice. So what’s the difference?
An attitude of gratitude is more like when someone does a thing for us, we’re like, “OMG thank you!” in that moment, whereas a gratitude practice is making a deliberate effort to express gratitude daily, even if you don’t necessarily feel it. This isn’t toxic positivity, it’s recognizing that even though things might be really the worst, there is always some light, even if it’s just a speck of glitter.
Gratitude is also one of the highest vibrations which not only helps you feel more content and at ease, but opens doors and windows of opportunity. where
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Create meaningful experiences with people you care about
You don’t have to have a lover to have amazing experiences. Some of my very best memories are with people I love(d) platonically; hiking in lava caves, watching lightning storms on the top of my car, concerts, watching meteor showers and star gazing. Plan a road trip! Plan a monthly girls night! Plan a sibling night! Spend time with the people you love and the people who lift you up.
Share your own “how to be happy alone” tips in the comments or join the convo on Instagram and Facebook!